Today was the first day we were examined on our competency for conducting well-patient histories on patients. The patients were either upper year students or health professionals that actually do this for a living. I practiced and practiced my history taking and I got to a point where I remembered all the points, sounded calm, did the history within the time allotted (ten minutes) and I felt pretty confident. Not over-confident, I just knew that the test day would all turn out ok and I am a fairly competent person when it comes to having conversations with people.
Oh how wrong I was. Maybe it is not as bad as I made it out to be and maybe it is just the overcritical perfectionist in me rearing its ugly head but I feel like my history taking exam did not go as well as I thought it would. I felt really awkward and was trying my best to mask it with a smile that I hope did not look plastered on my face. And I am desperately hoping that my nervousness during the interview was not translated by my body language and make me seem non-empathetic or distracted. It also probably didn’t help that the patient saw fear in my eyes because this was my first patient history exam! I stumbled on some words and had to apologize for certain word-bumbles and I felt like the entire time the patient was looking at me like I was crazy. Or maybe it was a trained judgemental eye. Or maybe they were supposed to act like a brick wall that I was going to have a conversation with.
Within a few seconds of meeting someone you definitely get an impression of whether or not you like them and that is all you have as a health professional to make a good impression – this point was really driven home with me today. I was planning on taking a deep breath before walking in the room but all of a sudden the ringer went off and everything moved too fast! Copious amounts of adrenaline was coursing through my body and my heart was beating so fast! I almost forgot completely how the entire interview went or what I said! I guess that is why they videotape you during these assessments so you can see where you need to improve for yourself. Thank goodness that they do not do that for our first history taking assessment – that would be so embarrassing to watch!
The one thing I hope I have on my side is my self-awareness during the patient history: if I had a word-misstep I acknowledged it and moved on to the next question. Also, I tried not to let my initially awkward beginning taint the rest of the interview. I feel like by the end of the history taking I was a lot more professional and composed. And hey, by second year this stuff will be old hat!
So my plan is to take a deep breath, listen to some tunes, let things play out as they may, finish my labs today and have a good session of moksha yoga!